Healthy Relationships
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How to deal with toxic people

How to deal with toxic people: Bullies, toxic and negative people always leave an impact on those who deal with them.  Bullies or toxic people might be using a place of superiority or power to intimidate, threaten, abuse, blackmail or harm others.  Negative people often blame, always feel defeated and miserable, thus affecting their entire circle of […]

How to deal with toxic people

How to deal with toxic people: Bullies, toxic and negative people always leave an impact on those who deal with them.  Bullies or toxic people might be using a place of superiority or power to intimidate, threaten, abuse, blackmail or harm others.  Negative people often blame, always feel defeated and miserable, thus affecting their entire circle of friends.  For lots of people, the mere thought of how to deal with toxic people on a daily basis can create a genuine and on going stress, impacting their lives and even health.

Toxic people may be strangely attractive in the weird way. They may appear mysterious, charming, exciting and unpredictable which adds to their appeal.  However, knowing how to deal with toxic people is a skill worth mastering.

Mentally strong people, know the importance and impact of human interaction and they dont allow others action to influence their attitude or who they are, that how they deal with toxic people. However, with attacks on all sides, even the strongest can be affected. Planning ahead and being strategic and aware is  a sensible way on how to deal with toxic people to survive and to avoid contact with the worst of the worst.

Bullies

Bullies will use any form of abuse mental, physical or both to get their way. They are often deeply  insecure and scared nonetheless they will  affect others until you know how to deal with toxic people.

The Braggart

Show off people are often also very insecure about themselves.  Bragging about what they have or what they can do is a way to prove their worth.

The Unintelligent 

I am here referring to the stupidity that derives from ego. The kind that will not accept any sound advice. They usually feel they know everything and will always run into the same challenges as they do not learn from their mistakes.  The unintelligent stay in their righteousness no matter what and can drag their loved ones or businesses to the most dreadful situations.

The Lazy and the Leecher/User

Laziness is a contagious chronic illness.  The energy surrounding the lazies will affect their entourage.  Want to lose all your productivity? Hang around the Lazy.

Lazy is also associated with the Leecher/User. “ Can you please help me with this…”  or “can you spare me some cash to tide me over….” It is okay to help.  Assisting someone through a difficult period is what friends are supposed to do.  BUT watch out! Unconditional help may bring about resentfulness from the very person you are trying to help. First, it will never stop until you put some boundaries or are left dried out. Also, you are doing a disservice to them as they will stay juvenile and not take responsibility for their life.

The Losers: Constantly depressed, No Ambition, No life

Everything seems to be dark, gloomy and sad for these people.  No sunshine after a rain, no blue clouds after the grey.  Being with them feels like watching a depressing TV drama that never ends.  Routine seems to be a must in their life. Always constant, no moving forward, no confidence in themselves.

People who can’t seem to be able to go out of their comfort zone usually want someone to stay there with them.  A similar pattern apply to those who have no ambition or are too scared to go and pursue their dreams. They do not want be left alone and abandoned, so they will surely not support your ambitions and dreams. Self-improvement and growth is what makes our human adventure worth living. Those who tries to crushing your spirit by discouraging you from dreaming and believing in ourselves are taking the air away from you.

 

How to deal with Toxic People?

Successful people, know how to deal with toxic people.  They usually maintain their attitude, which remains unaffected by other’s toxicity or negativity.  So how to deal with toxic people: face the bullies, listen but do not wallow in people’s problems, never try to join in any pity party or swim with negative people in their pool of misery. The secret of how to deal with toxic people is to never, ever be sucked into the negative “dark side”.  Manage your emotions as best as you can, even under extreme pressure.  Be calm and controlled – never lose control.

Also be aware that toxic people tells you something about yourself. They often come as a challenge in your life to allow growth. You may have to face a fed bullies until you learn how to deal with toxic people.

How to deal with toxic people? #1 Set your limits

Complainers want to talk about their problems and difficulties. They are not really solution oriented, they focus on their misery.  They want people to sympathize with them so that they can feel good about themselves. Do not be sucked in. successful people know when to be polite and when give themselves some distance.  Think of them as smokers and you don’t want to inhale second- hand smoke.

How to deal with toxic people? For every complaint you hear,  give it back to them  with “And what do you think you should do about it?”  usually, this sentence could quiet them and even let them think of a solution.

How to deal with toxic people?#2 Choose your battles

The wise will always know when to back down and to fight another day.  Engaging in battle without knowing the enemy or with too much emotions involved could make you lose.  Be patient.  Losing your temper might let you say or do something you might regret in the end.

How to deal with toxic people?#3 Rise above

Toxic people are irrational people.  We have no idea what they are going to do next.  Never, never let yourself get sucked into a trap. The more irrational and emotional your opponent is, the more you should stand back and observe what they do – like observing an experiment.   Don’t try to beat them at their own game.  Focus on the facts and not the drama.

How to deal with toxic people? #4 Be aware of yourself and your emotions

Always have presence of mind.  Know when you’re being played.  Take time to think about the situation and choose the best way to solve a problem. For example: If you pass by a crazy person in the street, you will probably deal with the situation by staying calm and unaffected. Well the same attitude can be opposed to someone you know who is behaving irrationally. Observe and listen. If you really need to confront the situation, the best way is to think about a strategy on how to deal with toxic people. Planning carefully can and will have successful outcomes.

How to deal with toxic people? #5 Establish Boundaries

Most people find difficult to establish boundaries especially if they really know the bullies or the toxic person/s. Actually, if you have already risen above a person, you will know the pattern of their behavior and you will know how to deal with toxic people efficiently.  For example, with a  toxic housemate, you don’t need to be as close to that person  as with your other housemates.  You can set up situations where you won’t have to interact with them all the time. In establishing boundaries, you have to be constantly aware or what is happening around you.  If you can control the situation, you can control the chaos.  The most important thing is to set limits and boundaries so the bullies won’t have a chance to get to you.

How to deal with toxic people? #6 No one should limit your Joy

Be the master of your happiness.  Never depend on people to hold the key to your joy and fulfillment.  Users and Losers might give snyde remarks or rude comments about your success – do not be intimidated by them.  Don’t compare yourself to others  for you are unique in your own way.  Take their opinions with a grain of salt.  Whatever they may think, always remember, you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

How to deal with toxic people? #7 Focus on the Solutions and not the Problem

Your emotional well-being depends on what you are focusing on at this very moment.  When you worry too much about problems, you create your own emotional stress. Focus on solutions to make your life and yourself better.  Focus on the positive and never on the negative.  Negative thinking will bring you nowhere. Focusing on people who give you stress will only give them the power to give you more stress. Thinking about how toxic someone is and doing nothing about it will add more to your personal troubles.  Take control of the situation and figure out how to deal with  toxic people instead of focusing on how troublesome they are.

How to deal with toxic people? #7 Remember and Learn from other’s mistakes

Emotionally intelligent persons forgive easily but they never forget.  To forgive is to move on to the next project, simple as that. But they will always remember the situation and circumstances of the mistake and will never let it happen to them again.

How to deal with toxic people? #8 Shut Down Negative self-talk

When around toxic negative people, it is inevitable at times that you absorb their negativity.  As a normal person with feelings  and emotions, of course, you’ll get hurt if someone treats you badly.  And if you give yourself a negative self-talk, it will only intensify the pain. A negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary, and self-defeating. It is the opposite of a pep talk and should be avoided absolutely.

How to deal with toxic people? #9 Limit your Caffeine

Adrenaline is released every time you drink anything with caffeine (coffee, cola drinks, power drinks). Adrenaline is your body’s survival trigger, a mechanism that forces you to fight-or- flight.  Unfortunately, adrenaline also triggers irrational thinking for want of a quick and easy response.  That’s great if someone is mugging you but not so great with office confrontations.

How to deal with toxic people? #10 Get enough sleep

A well-rested individual recharges their brain properly and wakes up clear headed, alert, positive and proactive.  Lack of sleep can make you slow in responding to important situations.  Sleep deprivation is a natural trigger for stress as it raises stress hormone levels.  Enough rest and sleep can give you an advantage and a clear mind to face toxic people.

How to deal with toxic people? #11 Support System –  your True Friends

No man is an island.  You can’t do everything by yourself. To get some insights on how to deal with toxic people, it is good to discuss your options with your trusted friends. Maybe they have suggestions or opinions that you haven’t thought of. Sometimes people who are not directly involved are the ones who can clearly see the big picture. Everybody should have someone to talk to, to vent, to discuss your day with.  These individuals are the ones who would cheer for you, help you in difficult times.  Know who they are and cherish them for they will be the ones who will stand by your side in your battles.

These 11 rules on how to deal with toxic people may help reduce the stress you have and train yourself to handle stress more effectively. You may not get everything perfectly all the time.  Learn from your mistakes, regroup, practice, and be patient.

If you want to learn more, then you can listen to our interview about toxic people.

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Aude Seynt Martin

Written by Aude Seynt Martin

Aude is an ex corporate Lawyer with a passion for health, self development and independence which lead her to give up her former career to help others through health.


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