Intimacy: the forbidden history of sex

Intimacy, what about it: As potential consumers and obvious sexual beings, we are literally bombarded with innuendos and even images of burning desire and hot sex. Don’t we all (in the hidden depth of our fiery heart) dream of a night of passion and intimacy with this handsome strong adventurer – that’s for the women. As for “ces messieurs”, don’t they fantasize about having this gorgeous goddess screaming their names (hopefully the right one) as they are taking her on the bonnet of their sport car?

Hum, sorry I am getting carried away. As explained in my former blogs, these fantasies of intimacy often arise from our dopamine anticipation. Unfortunately, once satisfied, our desires and cravings are calling for more, leaving us always unfulfilled, restless and no way near satisfying intimacy. While these might be the most common pattern most of us unconsciously operate from, it does not mean this should be the only one. The mammalian brain that drives our hunger also governs emotional bonding. We could not fall in love or attach to our infants without changes in a specific part of our reward circuit.

So is there a different story to the one we are doomed to listen again and again throughout the media, cinema industry and countless novels? Do all memorable love stories need to have a sad ending? What is the secret of the happy ever after we have not been told about in our childhood?

In my endless quest of the holy grail of harmonious love and true intimacy between the sexes, I thought that some answers could be found through the wisdom of the ages (since it did not appear very clear in the Jordy shore show).

Intimacy according to the Chinese tradition of Taoism

In the Hua Hu Ching, Lao Tzu warns us against our “biological impulses (which is) a tiny portion of our beings”, although, he insists, “most people spend their life following (it)”. Lao Tzu tells us about “a mystical union of ying and yang, feminine and masculine that would allow (the lovers) to reach some kind of a higher evolution:

• ‘ if we remain obsessed with seeds and eggs, we are married to the fertile reproductive valley of the mysterious mother but not to her immeasurable heart and all-knowing mind.
• If you wish to unite with her heart and mind, you must integrate ying and yang within and refine their fire upward. Then you have the power to merge with the whole being of the mysterious Mother. This is what is known as true evolution.

… The new life created by the final integration is self aware yet without ego, capable of inhabiting a body yet not attached to it, and guided by wisdom rather than emotion”.

Lao Tzu precises that this mystical union of ying and yang can be achieved through sexual intercourse.

“Some students may be instructed in the art of dual cultivation in which yin and yang are directly integrated in the tai chi of sexual intercourse….. If genuine virtue and true mastery come together … the practice can bring about a profound balancing of students subtle energies’.

Another ancient Taoist manual “dangers and benefits” says that “(immortality) is achieved through a combination of deep penetration, low arousal and visualization of energy moving through the body”.

The Exposition of cultivating the true essence explains that sexual alchemy is only possible when the unstable male energy is aroused without “bursting out” (and) welcomes the more stable yin energy and fuses with it.