The 7 Essential Habits for Improved Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence, measured through EQ or “the emotional intelligence quotient”, is becoming more and more acknowledged. In this day and age, many experts in psychology, education, and business argue that this is more critical than IQ or mental intelligence. The great philosopher Aristotle aptly states “Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.”

The condition of having high emotional intelligence is simply a person’s ability to manage their emotions. It is also the ability to have empathy—to consider and feel another individual’s feelings in your day to day decisions and actions.

A clear cut indication of an emotionally intelligent individual is a person who is clearly aware of his/her own feelings. That person is also able to express their emotions in an appropriate way. They can comprehend and empathize on how others are feeling. Emotional intelligence is a precious skill that makes the world an easier place to live in.

Modern behavioral psychologists have outlined four specific characteristics of people who have high emotional intelligence:

• They can perceive emotions of others around them
• They can reason with emotions
• They can comprehend emotions and
• They can manage their own and even other’s emotions.

To improve your quality of life and to be a better person to yourself and others around you, consider these 7 habits. Make an effort to make them part of your daily life.

• 1. Pay special attention to how you are feeling

As the famous author and psychologist Daniel Goleman stated—Self Awareness is the key to emotional intelligence. You have to honestly and openly know how you feel, to keep track of your moods and their triggers or causes. You also need to be aware of how your moods affect others around you.

• 2. Try to better understand how others feel

This is the condition of empathy. Empathy is a strength and a key component of Emotional intelligence. We all have daily interactions with people, be it with our family, friends and work colleagues. In these cases, you have to make an effort to understand how they feel. What makes them happy and what makes them feel frustration. If you are aware of these then you will give a proper response to any situation.

• 3. Control your emotions

Emotional Self-control is definitely a critical aspect of emotional intelligence. If you understand your emotions then this is a wonderful first step. If you however cannot control them, then you will get nowhere with improving your relationships with the people around you. The rules are pretty straightforward. Think before you act. If you are already riled up take several deep calming breaths before you say or do something.

• 4. Be motivated

Lead by example. If the people around you are exuding negativity, then be the only beacon of positivity and motivation. Have goals. When you are faced with difficulty, take it all in stride and accept the challenge. This creates an aura of positivity that cannot be beat and inspires those close to you.

• 5. Develop great social skills

Being in tune to your feelings and taking an effort to empathize with others all leads to you having great social skills. The best motivator and the most charismatic are those that others feel know their best interests at heart. Taking a deep breath before you say or do something are all part and parcel of having great social skills and charisma.

• 6. Discuss/Dialogue your feelings with others

Empathy is not all that easy. Discussing how you feel with other people is not easy. But it is possible. You have to be aware on when and how to appropriately express what you want to say. Consider this example.
It’s Monday and you have had a particularly rough day at the office. When you go home you usually end up arguing with your spouse, shouting at your kids or firing and emotionally laden email. Under no circumstances should you do this. Cool off first. It’s best to work out or go for a run. Burn off with exercise all that negativity. Or simply have a glass of wine or listen to a favorite song. You head will be cleared of all that negativity and you will say and do the right thing.

• 7. Identify the underlying roots of your emotions

Self –Examination is the heart of emotional intelligence. Picture that you are especially frustrated with a co-worker. Do not immediately vent-out. Take deep calming breaths and do self-examination. “What are you really angry about?” Are you angry with your colleague or you are actually frustrated with your boss who doesn’t do his/her job? To be emotionally intelligent you have to look at the stressful situation in an objective manner. Try to detach yourself and commitment to enjoy all of its fruits.

Emotional intelligent is not taught at school, university or at work for that matter. You may naturally develop it in the midst of challenging situations especially when once survival depends on anticipating other’s reaction! As emotional intelligence is more and more recognised as an essential skill to maintain cohesion, motivation and improvement among people, in particular at work, now countless numbers of “self development” seminars’ teachings are actually based on understanding and mastering one’s emotions.

Developing and working on your emotional intelligence can truly transform your life and help people around you and it first express through the language as words convey emotions, even though words may not translate every time the felt emotion. To start reflecting on the subject, I would personally recommend an absolutely wonderful book that has proved a precious tool in my life “Non Violent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg.