How to let go of someone you love I have always believed that each relationship offers an opportunity to grow and that each connection you make with someone else may lead to a deeper connection with yourself. Even if we get hurt, we always have the choice to turn the pain into something beneficial, greater that […]
I have always believed that each relationship offers an opportunity to grow and that each connection you make with someone else may lead to a deeper connection with yourself. Even if we get hurt, we always have the choice to turn the pain into something beneficial, greater that the actual heartbreak. How to let go of someone you love probably results from getting the lesson of the relationship.
Before meeting Joe (I changed his name for obvious reasons), I thought I had been in love. Then I had not realised the difference between loving somebody and being in love with someone. Yes I had sometimes missed some of my ex boyfriends, the complicity and the laughter. Being confronted with a sudden solitude would sometimes made me nostalgic of the relationship. But until I met Joe, I had actually never experienced being in love.
The guy I fell in love with is also the one who broke my heart and while it was the most amazing experience, it was also the most terrifying.
I have always been quite guarded and although I know a good number of people there are only a few I feel real closeness to. People come and go, circumstances change and I went through the years building a wall around my heart until Joe shattered all my protection.
We met on one of this dating app and I did not think much of it to start with as I have always been quite skeptical about online dating. But between Joe and I, the chemistry was almost instantaneous and as we started to see each other more often, we actually realised we had quite a lot in common. Above all, we laughed a lot: the first week end we spent together we could not stop laughing and the connection I felt made me fall hard before I could even realise what was happening to me.
Joe and I would chat everyday, exchange sweet messages and always always laugh a lot. At first all our meetings were effortless and we were waiting for these delightful moments. I was happy just to see him smile to feel him by my side. I found amazing to have met somebody who understood me, made me feel safe and did not need to question me but I was wrong.
After three months of what I considered an almost perfect relationship, Joe went away for 2 weeks and I missed him like I had never missed anybody else before. I felt very vulnerable and got scare of such an emotional dependence I did not how to handle, let alone express. I had always been very independent, did not rely on anybody to take care of me and always took care of myself.
After nine months, the relationship ended badly. Suffice to say that we had different expectations out of the relationship and there were insecurities that did not need to exist.
My story with Joe taught me two valuable lessons.
It first taught me what it felt like to be in love. The pain showed me I was alive. I let somebody in despite the fear and the perspective of being hurt. There is beauty in that pain and the fact I was feeling it revealed a depth within myself.
Numbing myself or being cynical would have been much worse. I would have become a caricature and I’d rather be someone who can feel, who is open to the experiences of life. The same things that allowed me to feel the pain after the break-up are going to be the things allowing me to feel the pleasure to come, such as vulnerability, openness, honesty, courage and so on.
All this pain will eventually be shifted and refocused when I met the right one. Why do we keep going back to love and relationships despite the potential pitfall? We do it because it’s worth it, because it is the only true and unique experience of emotions we have as we go through our lives, overwhelming ourselves with the beauty of lives. Why would we ever want to give that up, one of best the experience there is to be had?
I don’t know if and when I will be in love again but the second lesson Joe taught me is that the man for me will have come to terms with his issues and insecurities already. He will be aware of them and will not allow his insecurities and personal circumstances to take control or take it out on me through guilt or any other negatives emotions. Everybody has insecurities no matter the sex or age, it is just part of the human experience. The man I give my heart to will want to be with me for the right reasons, love me for exactly who I am, and I for exactly who he is. We will not try to change each other or fill a void, we will only be by each other’s side to help encourage and motivate each other to become more of ourselves.
don’t try fight the pain, accept it and relish it. From that place of acceptance, begin to get strong; you are alive, human and beautiful to be able to feel on this level.
Aude is an ex corporate Lawyer with a passion for health, self development and independence which lead her to give up her former career to help others through health.
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